The Homelife (What To Expect When Expecting, Part 3/3)
So, you're finally home with the baby and everything will be sunshine and rainbows from now on. Oh, really.
You're exhausted when you get home. The baby (of course) refused to sleep in the cot in the hospital, so you had to keep her beside you in the very narrow hospital bed. Because of that your own sleep was all but nonexistent for the two mandatory days you had to stay at the hospital.
Your uterus is raging inside you and probably blaming you for everything that happened. And it is not wrong my friend, it is not wrong. You pop down painkillers like they are candy, just to keep the pain of contracting, enraged uterus away.
You dread the times you have to go to the bathroom. Even with constant showering with lukewarm water while you pee, the wounds your lady garden suffered during labour shriek at you and you all but pass out if even a drop of pee hits your wounds. Which it does, because your pee goes all over the place since YOUR DOWNSTAIRS IS COMPLETELY DEMOLISHED.
At least you can enjoy the peace and quiet of nursing the baby, right? Just a sec, let me wipe away these tears of laughter first. For the first three to four days you are afraid that the milk won't rise and you can't feed your baby and then when it finally does your boobs are so sore even a nightgown feels too rough. It's a very nice time to greet guests and relatives coming to see the baby.
Once that has settled down a bit, the actual nursing feels like you're feeding a hungry piranha. Let me explain. Since your boobs have probably not been sucked on as many times and as long as a baby does (and if they have, hey, each to their own), they'll protest with an agony that makes you see stars (and I'm not talking about stars like Hugh Jackman or Tom Hiddleston here, although that would have been really nice) every time that hungry little mouth latches on. Deep breaths, deep breaths my friend.
Did I also mention that your uterus is throwing a party every time you nurse the baby? Yes. That's a hoot I can tell you.
At least now you can enjoy a glass of wine after all this. Except you can't since the alcohol will go to your milk and probably be kinda bad for your baby. So you'll just have to imagine the glass of berry juice to be more fermented than it really is.
It's fine. You wouldn't have wanted wine anyway.
